What It's Like to Be a Digital Nomad ....When Your Partner Isn't....

I love being a digital nomad.  In fact, I’d wager to say that I love pretty much everything about it.  I don’t even mind the solitary bit….being on my own allows me to focus fully and work at tip top efficiency.  I used to get so distracted by people socializing at the office. I was always more in the camp of – FOCUS & then leave - vs socialize, work, socialize, work.  

And if I ever feel like I’m going too long without human interaction, I’ve never had a hard time seeking it out.  

The one thing I will say that is hard – is being in a relationship with someone who is not a digital nomad.  

That has been tricky to navigate.  And we’re still learning!

The first four years of our relationship, we were in the same boat.  Well generally.  I had more vacation time, but we both went into offices everyday.  

I always had a hard time feeling happy with work when I had to go into an office.  I just knew it wasn’t how I wanted my life structured.  It was nothing against the company, culture or people.  I loved my old team and still keep in touch with them.  I just felt like commuting was such a waste of time.  

I’ve always been very finicky with my time.  I think it’s because I’m keenly aware of how little of it we have.  So I desperately try to avoid anything that wastes the bit we do have and always try to maximize my time.  But I digress.

Well suddenly everything changed a year ago, and I could start working remotely.  I think that was hard for my boyfriend….to know longer be in the same boat….to be left behind as I set off on new ventures and adventures. 

But as I told him many times, he too could have this lifestyle if he wanted to give up working in entertainment!!

There was a period where I think both of us were just left feeling confused.  Him feeling hurt that I wanted to travel and me feeling hurt that he didn’t support me following my dreams.  

I was worried that maybe our relationship wasn’t compatible with the new person I was becoming….a person who took chances and lived out her dreams.  Someone I respected and loved becoming.  And deep down hoped he would love too.

It took a lot of communication and uncomfortable conversations to get where we are now.  But I’m proud to say we’re in a good place and feel as strong as ever.  It’s funny how much things can change in a matter of months.

I think a lot of times people’s inclination when you travel a lot is to think that you are running away from something.  But for those who really love travel….it’s never about running away….it’s about running towards the best version of yourself.  I have always felt my lightest and happiest when traveling.  It awakens in me a creativity that hasn’t been fully exercised since childhood.  It inspires me through beautiful places and people.  

Travel makes me feel the most and need the least.

In the beginning, there were so many feelings I had that I thought were “obvious.”  Which turned out to be totally not obvious to Colin (and vice versa).

But once we understood the need to really communicate….and over-communicate….that’s when we started getting somewhere.  He needed to understand what travel brought to my life and that I wasn’t running away from him; and I needed to understand the anxiety he had over my traveling alone and find more moments to connect.

He’s a nervous person - and me being far away for extended periods of time on my own made him anxious. He also worried about what it meant for us if I wanted to be gone.  By taking more time for the relationship when we are together, and by creating more regular check in’s while traveling, he can feel more secure about us and the relationship.

I have also been better about communicating that I save my BEST trips and destinations for our time together.  (Again one of those things that I always thought was obvious….but is helpful to say out loud to make your partner feel important and considered).  

I take a lot of time and care to figure out how we can best work around his limited vacation time to maximize our travel time together.  Because as much as I love solo travel and talk about the benefits of it – I also think sharing wonderful destinations with the people we love can be equally important (or more so).  

There is room for all sorts of adventures in life….those that you tackle alone and are about growth, courage, and confidence.  And the ones that you share that are about connection and deepening your relationship.

And I 100% miss him when I travel.  I think that was important for him to hear as well.  It isn’t about trying to escape.   

So if you and your partner don’t have the same life setup in this particular moment, don’t despair. All is not lost.  And honestly, who knows what will happen in the future. It’s a long life, tables can turn, situations change. But the important thing is that you always over communicate….figure out what is at the root of the unhappiness with the situation. Because that’s going to be the best way to figure out a solution and move forward.

Xoxo

Lauren